Saturday, January 3, 2026
I had a full-blown argument with my sister today. Over text. About holiday plans that already happened. We're fighting about the past - how profoundly stupid is that? She's upset that I didn't stay longer at Christmas dinner. I'm upset that she guilted me for leaving. Neither of us is going to win because neither of us is going to change what already happened.
The thing is, I know I'm right. I had to leave for a work call. It wasn't optional. But she doesn't see it that way - she sees me choosing work over family, again. And maybe... maybe that's partially true? Maybe I could have rescheduled. Maybe I use work as an excuse to avoid the uncomfortable parts of family gatherings. The small talk with relatives I barely know. The questions about my life that feel like judgments.
But here's what really bothers me: I don't actually want to apologize. I want to be right. I want her to say, "You know what, I was being unreasonable, you had responsibilities." That's not going to happen. And my stubbornness is going to cost me what, exactly? A relationship with my sister? Over a two-hour dinner?
My ego is running this show, and I can see it happening, and I still can't stop it. It's like watching myself in slow motion, making a choice I know I'll regret, and doing it anyway because being right feels more important than being connected.
I haven't responded to her last message. It's been six hours. The longer I wait, the worse this gets. But I'm still sitting here, phone in hand, drafting responses I don't send.
Stoic AF Response
Generated at 8:12 PM
"How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it."
You wrote something remarkable and you probably didn't even notice: "My ego is running this show, and I can see it happening." That's not failure. That's awareness. Most people never get that far. They're so identified with their ego that they can't separate from it enough to watch it operate. You can. That's the beginning of everything.
Now let's talk about being "right." The Stoics had a concept called the "view from above" - imagining your problems from a cosmic perspective. From that vantage point, two siblings fighting over a dinner that happened two weeks ago is... well, it's absurd. Not because your feelings don't matter, but because the stakes you're assigning to this conflict don't match reality. Your sister isn't your enemy. She's someone who wanted more of your time and expressed it poorly.
Here's the uncomfortable truth: You can be right AND be the one who ends the conflict. Being right doesn't require your sister's acknowledgment. It's not a negotiation. If you genuinely believe you made the right call about leaving dinner, that belief exists whether she agrees or not. So what are you actually waiting for? Permission? Victory? Ask yourself what you want more: to win the argument, or to have a sister?
Send your sister a message tonight. Not an apology for leaving dinner (unless you genuinely feel you should apologize). Just an acknowledgment: "I hear that you wanted more time with me. I'm sorry that hurt." That's not admitting defeat. That's extending humanity.