Sunday, January 4, 2026
Something clicked today. I was making coffee this morning, thinking about my sister (I texted her last night, by the way - we're okay now), and suddenly the dichotomy of control thing just... made sense. Not intellectually - I've understood it intellectually since Day 1. But I felt it.
I can't control whether my sister forgives me. I can only control whether I reach out. I can't control whether my boss likes my work. I can only control the quality of what I produce. I can't control traffic, weather, other people's moods, the economy, or whether that person responds to my email. I can only control my response to all of it.
This sounds so simple when I write it down. But I've spent my entire life trying to control outcomes. Trying to make people like me. Trying to make situations turn out "right." And that's exhausting because it's impossible. It's like trying to hold water in your fists - the tighter you grip, the more slips through.
Today I went grocery shopping and the checkout line was absurd. Normally I would have been irritated, checking my watch, calculating how this was throwing off my schedule. Instead, I just... stood there. I watched the people around me. I noticed the tired cashier, the mom with three kids, the old man carefully counting his change. I wasn't in a hurry anymore because I realized being in a hurry wasn't going to make the line move faster. It was only going to make me miserable.
Four days in and I already feel different. Not fixed. Not enlightened. Just... lighter. Like I put down a bag I didn't realize I was carrying.
Stoic AF Response
Generated at 7:45 PM
"Make the best use of what is in your power, and take the rest as it happens."
The grocery store line. That's where philosophy becomes practice. Anyone can understand Stoicism while sitting in a comfortable chair reading Marcus Aurelius. The question is: can you be a Stoic while stuck behind someone with 47 coupons and a price check on aisle 12? Today, you could. That's not nothing. That's everything.
What you described - the shift from intellectual understanding to felt understanding - the Stoics would call that making progress. Not arrival. Progress. Because here's the thing: you're going to forget this feeling. You're going to get stuck in traffic next week and curse the universe. You're going to get anxious about something you can't control. That's not failure. That's being human. The practice isn't about never losing your center - it's about noticing when you've lost it and returning.
Also, good on you for texting your sister. See how that worked? You focused on what you could control (reaching out), let go of what you couldn't (her response), and it turned out fine. Not because you controlled the outcome, but because you freed yourself from needing to. That's the paradox: the less you grip, the more you receive.
Tomorrow, when something frustrating happens (and it will), pause before reacting. Ask yourself: "What can I actually control here?" Act only on that. Let the rest unfold without your interference.