Wednesday, January 7, 2026
Something happened today that I need to write down before I forget how it felt. I had a meeting with the cross-functional team - the one I've been dreading all week. Marcus from engineering was in rare form, immediately attacking our timeline as "unrealistic" and basically implying that our whole approach was amateur hour.
Old me would have gotten defensive. Old me would have matched his energy, fired back with something about how his team missed their own deadlines last quarter, escalated until we were both just posturing instead of problem-solving. I've done that dance before. It never ends well.
But today, I paused. Literally just... paused. Took a breath. And I asked myself that question: what's in my control here? Not Marcus's tone. Not his opinion. Not whether he respects me. Just my response. That's it. That's the only thing I actually get to choose.
So instead of defending, I said something like "I hear your concerns about the timeline. What specifically would you need to see to feel more confident about it?" And I meant it. I actually wanted to know. The whole energy in the room shifted. Marcus kind of... deflated? Not in a bad way. More like he'd been ready for a fight and suddenly there wasn't one. We ended up having an actual productive conversation about dependencies and buffer time.
I think I finally get it. Not intellectually - I've understood the concept since day one. But today I felt it. The dichotomy of control isn't just a nice idea. It's a tool. And it works.
Stoic AF Response
Generated at 6:45 PM
"Never esteem anything as of advantage to you that will make you break your word or lose your self-respect."
That's a breakthrough. Not the meeting going well - though that's nice - but the moment of choice. That pause. You created space between stimulus and response, and in that space, you found your power. Viktor Frankl would be proud. So would Marcus Aurelius, though he'd probably just nod stoically and move on.
Now here's the thing I need you to hear: be careful with this feeling. Pride is a tricky companion. The Stoics weren't opposed to acknowledging progress - that would be false modesty, which is just another form of ego. But they were wary of letting success become its own trap. Marcus Aurelius wrote extensively about not being swayed by praise, not because praise is bad, but because attachment to it makes you fragile.
Today worked. Tomorrow, the same approach might not. Marcus might come back twice as combative. You might be tired, or hungry, or just having a rough day, and the pause won't come as easily. That's not failure - that's practice. The goal isn't to be perfect. It's to keep choosing, keep practicing, even when it doesn't feel like a victory. Especially then.
Tonight, write down not just what you did right, but what could still trip you up. Where are the edges of this new skill? When might you be tempted to slip back into reactivity? Name it so you can recognize it.