Thursday, January 8, 2026
Got absolutely demolished in the quarterly review today. Jennifer, our VP, picked apart my presentation slide by slide in front of the entire department. "The data doesn't support this conclusion." "This section lacks focus." "I'm not sure what you're trying to say here." Each comment felt like a punch to the gut.
My face was burning. I could feel everyone looking at me, or maybe looking away to give me privacy, which somehow felt worse. I wanted to defend myself, explain that I'd had three other projects competing for my attention, that I'd asked for feedback earlier and hadn't gotten any. But I didn't. I just nodded and said I'd revise it.
The thing is... she wasn't wrong. I've been re-reading her comments and they're legitimate. The conclusion was a stretch. The middle section did meander. I knew something was off when I was preparing it, but I convinced myself it was fine. It wasn't fine. She saw exactly what I'd been afraid to see myself.
So why does it hurt so much? The feedback is useful. If I actually incorporate it, the next version will be better. But my ego is screaming. It wants me to focus on her tone, her delivery, the fact that she did it publicly instead of privately. It wants me to be angry because anger feels better than shame.
I don't know how to hold both things at once - the recognition that the criticism was valid and the hurt of how it was delivered. Maybe I shouldn't be trying to choose. Maybe they're both just true.
Stoic AF Response
Generated at 8:22 PM
"If anyone tells you that a certain person speaks ill of you, do not make excuses about what is said of you but answer, 'He was ignorant of my other faults, else he would not have mentioned these alone.'"
You just did something most people never manage: you separated your ego from the truth. While your pride was screaming for attention, some wiser part of you went back to those notes and actually evaluated them. That's rare. That's growth. That's exactly what Epictetus meant when he said criticism is a mirror - you can argue with it or you can use it to see yourself more clearly.
Here's the uncomfortable reality: Jennifer's delivery might have been poor. That's on her. But the content of the feedback? That's a gift, even if it came wrapped in sandpaper. The Stoics would say you now have a choice: focus on the packaging and stay exactly where you are, or focus on the content and become better. Only one of those options actually serves you.
And yes, you can hold both things - the valid criticism and the hurt from its delivery. The Stoics weren't about suppressing emotions, remember? Feel the sting. Acknowledge that public criticism is harder than private. Then decide what to do next. The feelings don't have to drive the action.
This one will be hard: thank Jennifer for the feedback. Not sarcastically. Not to look good. A genuine, brief acknowledgment that her input will make the work better. Watch what happens - both to her response and to your own relationship with the criticism.